The "Hate you Body" Rule

One genius fictional character once said:

"The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body. You understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle."

That genius is one of my idols, haha, Dr. Cox from Scrubs (my still number 1 favorite comedy series even after I fell in love with Sheldon Cooper).  You see, this is Dr. Cox's body:

But we are not going to concentrate on that.  Haha.

We're going to concentrate on what he said - hate your body.  Why?

Because the moment you feel contented about it, the moment you think that it is just about what you want, you will stop striving to make it better.  And when you stop, you become unconscious of what you eat and of what you do to your body and when that happens, you'll end up F.A.T.

I was once thin, heck Kim Chiu thin, chos! Haha! But because I have always been that way since I was a kid, I never thought that I would ever get fat.  I was very matakaw then, but up to the first couple of years in college my waist line was still 25 or 26-ish and I LOVED it.  I loved my body because it's been always like that even when I don't make any efforts to maintain it, even when I just be my matakaw and tamad self.

Five years later, my gluttony and sloth took a toll on me.  Huhuhu.  I tried dieting but as it was only a "try" it didn't "do." :(  Well, it was effective for a while, but only for a very short while.  Haha!

BUT since I have grown hatred to my braso, to my bilbils and to my double chin, I decided again to take on the journey towards a sexier slimmer me.  Thank goodness for the free use of gym in our company, I have been working out (twice a week) for two months now :)  I've already let go of 1 kilo and because my gym buddy (a colleague) is so determined to do this seriously, (and I don't know why, she's thin naman, haha) plus the gym instructors there are very helpful and friendly, I think I will never grow tired of burning these fats, come muscular pains or body aches. :)

But the gym and I have a love-hate relationship. I may love what it does to me, but it has its pros and cons.  Let me share them with you, the positive first :)

Advantages: 

1. Working out makes me feel guilty eating carbs, sweets and fatty food.  Though I never intended to be strict about my diet anymore, because I heard that holding back will only make your cravings worse, but I suddenly don't get attracted to weight gaining food anymore.  Especially during gym days, hehe.

2. I'd been sick last weekend (ubo at sipon) that I couldn't bring myself to the gym last Tuesday.  But I managed to drag myself to work out last Thursday (kasi scared akong maka-miss, haha) and to my surprise, by Friday, I'm okay na! :)  I don't know if the workout cured me, pero I can't help but think so.  Kasi naman, everybody in the office is barking their throats out since September came, never ako nahawa, naulanan lang talaga ko nung last Saturday kaya nagkaron ng pagkakataon ang sipon na umarrive eh, haha. :D

3. The obvious advantage of course, I don't look masagwa anymore when wearing my old blouses, hihi.

4. Bumagay na sa'kin ulit ang short hair because my double chin and chubby cheeks are starting to disappear na, haha!

5. I'm starting to feel beautiful again (not to mention my self confidence is also coming back, hahaha) ^_^

6. I started to become closer to God.  When I do a difficult routine, I always say "Diyos ko po", "Diyos ko, Lord", "Ay Diyos ko", etc. at the end of it, sometimes in between counts pag sooper hirap.  Haha!

Disadvantages:

1. I sometimes become bobo sa math, haha!  We do our routines 20 or 30 counts each, but when the exercise stresses me out, I sometimes get confused kung anong next sa 10, 15 na ba? 18 na? Yes, last two! Hahaha!

2. My integrity is being scarred, hahaha.  When I get pagod na for the 2nd and 3rd sets, dinadaya ko na ang bilang, wahahaha!  But I try not to do this anymore, except kung nilelevel up nila kuya ang exercise, kasi naman syempre tatantyahin ko muna kung kaya ko diba, wahaha! << nagdadahilan :p

3. I learned the art of revenge.  Haha!  One time when my gym buddy and I saw na sila kuya din pala ang tagahugas ng mugs na ginagamit dun sa gym.  Aba! An idea popped to our minds.  Damihan natin ang paggamit ng mugs pag pinapahirapan nila tayo, wahaha!  Joke lang, pero seriously sometimes I think of intentionally doing that, hahaha :p

The 30 day blog challenge - Day 20

If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

First of all, asking me for 3 wishes?  It's like an insult to me.  Do you seriously think I have JUST 3 wishes?  Haha.  Kidding ;p But seriously, I have more than 3 wishes, more than 300 if we're going to count the small things, haha.  Secondly, I think the title of this 20th challenge should be: If you had 3 wishes that would 100% come true, what would they be. *taas kilay a la Sheldon*

Anyways, if I had 3 wishes that would 100% come true, it would be the following:

• First, I wish Nanay's life could have been at least 10 years longer.  She was taken away from us 2005, I was still in college then.  6 years passed, I now have successfully entered the I.T. industry and is now earning my own money.  Imagine all the things I could have bought for her, all the gifts I could have given her the past Christmases and Mother's Days. :(  She haven't met V yet, she doesn't know what I am as a person now.  I still wish she was here.

• Secondly, I wish I'd be given all the chance, all the time and all the resources I could possibly need to live my life to its fullest.  I am a simple girl but my dreams and hopes are nowhere near simplicity.  I just want it all, is that a crime? :p

• Last but not the least, and I don't know why Aladdin hadn't thought of this, is to have unlimited wishes that would 100% come true!!  This is so I could get all the material things I could possibly want (cause we are living in a material world) without minding the money it would cost me, haha!  Also so I could wish for Kingkong's long life (kingkong is my dog).  I would also want my dreams (as stated in my previous post) to come true without sweating, that would be cool right? Haha!

I'm such a brat, i knowwwwww!

The Detachment Rule

warning: madrama

I’m a girl, I have very powerful girl hormones, and therefore, I’m a drama queen.

source

I admit there are times when I’m not only a drama queen, but also a major pain in the ass (mostly to my own self and unfortunately also to my beau).  I don’t know why but I always let emotions rule over me, most especially the two extreme opposite sentiments – happiness and sadness.  When I’m happy, I am super happy that sometimes my head aches from over-smiling and laughing and being mega giddy all day.  When I’m sad, I feel nothing more than wanting to disappear (but no, never had I once tried to end my life, haha! Takot ko lang! ;p)  But seriously, I hate being sad, who loves being one by the way?  Haha.  For this, I often hate myself.  I hate that I’m always carried away by my feelings and that sometimes, I feel like my emotions are my masters, when it should be the other way around.

So from now on, I will TRY to learn how to detach.  Not “detach” in the sense of disengaging myself from anything, I don’t want that.  I don’t want to be indifferent, I want to care.  But here, let me quote Mitch Albom to explain “detachment” to you.

Learn to detach...Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. Like what I told ya ;) On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. I’m good at this na, it’s a start right?  That's how you are able to leave it... This I got to freakin’ learn. Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment. Hell yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do.

Now why do I suddenly feel like I need to learn how to isolate?  I can blame my dysfunctional family, my ill-tempered boyfriend, my boring life, my super-fun-but-so-far-away-from-me-friends, but I think it is all me.  This is the first time I’ll admit it, but I think I’m in the middle of a “quarter-life” crisis.  Seriously I don’t know why people call this “quarter-life”, do we expect to live up to a hundred years?  Haha, la lang ;)  But again, I think I’m in the freakin’ middle of it.  The past few days weeks I was always sad, I was always needy, I was hard to please, I easily got frustrated, I bitch about shallow things, I think about a lot of things, I wanted to go places, I wanted to evade routinary tasks, and I always felt the need to do things like this is my last year on earth.  Not only is it stressful, but it also weighed heavily on my relationship with V.  It’s him that I talk to everyday and it’s him that absorbs all these.  It came to a point where we almost reached the peaks of our tolerance.

But after weeks of being depressed for various reasons (and at the same time, for no reasons at all), I am now detaching myself from the crisis that (it appears to me) is only in my mind.  No more whining, no more bitching around, no more impossible demands.  Only enjoyment, only contentment.

I was always sad then, I am now familiar with sadness, and I can let it go.  I was needy then, I am now familiar with neediness, and I can let it go.  I was hard to please, I easily got frustrated, I know that now so I will learn how to manage my expectations and be able to let my frustrations go.  I overthink, I became familiar with the stress it brought, I can let it go. I became demanding, I hated the feeling of not getting what I want, I know that now and I can now learn how to not depend on anybody when it comes to my self-fulfillment.

I can do this, right? :)  Detachment, ON!!!

Fighting,

f

The 30 day blog challenge - Day 19

Nicknames you have and how or why you have them

Before everything else, my first name is "Jaquiline."  No second name, all my other siblings have one worded first names, too.  But I maybe have a simple name, but people can unbelievably derive a handful of nicknames from "Jaquiline".

LenLen or Len - Yeah, I have a very traditional Pinoy nickname where one syllable is repeated twice, haha!  This has been my nickname ever since, as they say, "nagka-utak ako".  I don't know how or who amongst my family decided to call me that, but I'm assuming it came from the "line" of "Jaquiline".  The people who call me Len are my family (of course), my friends from the neighborhood, people from the neighborhood who aren't my friends and highschool close friends.

Jacque - If I remember it right, I used this nickname after Mylene Dizon starred in ABS-CBN's "FLAMES".  You know, that TV series from Channel 2 that featured various cheesy love stories when we were young?  That.  I was in elementary then, Mylene Dizon's character is "Jacque" and I found it cute. Thus, it became my nickname.  Haha.  Elementary, highschool and even some college friends call me this.

Que - Pronounced as "KE".  This, I got from my highschool friends. It is actually a nickname derived from "Jacque", an nickname of a nickname, if you may.

QueQue - Pronounced as... you know.  I also got this from my highschool friends, but the ones with dirty minds.  Haha! I didn't mind though, I think this was thought of when we were playing a game of "pa-panget-an ng pangalan".  Hehe.

Jaq - Now this, this is the nickname I am currently known using. I don't know why this has only been thought of when I was in college na, nagkatamaran na lang ng syllables? Haha.  This is also my favorite nickname. :)  People I met during and after college call me this.

Uiline - This is really not an "official" nickname, I just wanted to share this to you because I think the origin of it is funny.  Haha.  My college barkada, yes all of them girls, they all have second names.  Me, NIL.  One time we were out to play bowling and in the score board, they entered their second names as their "alias".  For me, since I have none, they declared it to be "Uiline".  Sweet, no?  Bow.

P.S. I also answer to "tol", "labs", "friend", "sis", "te", "(i was supposed to include what V calls me, but no ;p)".

It's 4am already, I will sleep na,

The 30 day blog challenge - Day 18

Plans / Dreams / Goals You Have

Though a plan, a dream and a goal could be defined by one same thing:

I plan to have a dog.
My dream is to have a dog.
One of my goals is to have a dog.

Still, there is a vast difference between the three.

plan n a specific project or definite purpose 

I plan to stay at the company I’m currently working at for a minimum of 5 years. That means I still have myself more than 3 years of commitment with it; but that doesn’t imply that I will submit a resignation letter come my 5th year anniversary.  I might even stay longer (or shorter), depending on what the situation will be.

dream n a cherished hope; ambition; aspiration

Gosh, I have lots.  But on the top of my head (is) are these:  I dream to have an ideal future life.  When I eventually get married and have my own beautiful family, I want to have a lovely house with a fine-looking kitchen, a smart and malambing dog, and a humongous front yard (oh and a swimming pool won't hurt ;p).  I also want to have my own car, apart from the family car that we will have.  I want my future family to never have to worry (or fight) about money.  I want to be able to give everything (they) we could possibly want. ;)

It’s MY dream, walang pakelamanan ok?! :p

goal n the aim or object towards which an endeavor is directed

1. To continue and never stop saving more than enough money (until it hurts, haha)

2. Be a "skilled" cook before (or after? haha) I get married.

3. Get my old "body" back, or at least get rid of this unnecessary dropsies by December. Haha!

4. Achieve my work-related objectives for FY12 (naks! haha)

5. To get to travel around our beautiful country before I get married (travels outside the country may come after, hihi)

Taking advantage of the *now* working keyboard,

EXPLANATIONS

my official excuse letter

Okay, so I was an absentee blogger for almost a month.  Sorry.. hihi.  But this didn't happen just because I'm tamad (well, it's partly that) but the bigger reason for this is because of this stupid desktop.  The PC shuts down as soon as it was turned on.  

When my pamangkin noticed that the keyboard types by itself, we automatically thought that the keyboard was virused (if that's ever possible. Is it? Haha).  Therefore, our first aid treatment, so everyone could still go on with their internet dependent lives, is to disconnect the keyboard.  Voila! It worked!  The PC stopped shutting down but we also lost access to typing, or so we thought.  Thank Windows God for the "on screen keyboard" functionality of Windows, for helping us log in to facebook, errr, for helping us key in letters without actually having the "keyboard" connected.

How can I be madaldal click-per-click?  I simply cannot be.

Anyways, I found out that this is not caused by a virus.  I googled it and it turns out that this is a hardware defect, not of the keyboard, but of the CPU (I don't know if it's this or this).  In fact, there are days when we try to connect the keyboard and the PC doesn't shut down (like today, hehe).  Anyhoo.. for now, nobody is planning to fix this freaking problem, not even me.  So until everything is fine (or until I get to buy a new laptop), expect low frequency of posts.

I'm happy I'm not typing by clicking today,