The Pag-aasawa is not equal to Kaning Mainit Rule

ang pag aasawa ay hindi parang kanin na isusubo mo lang at pag napaso ka ay pwede mong iluwa

Two weeks ago, I watched Star Cinema’s “My Amnesia Girl”.  If you haven’t watched it yet, Toni G. didn’t actually have amnesia, she just pretended because she wanted to fool Lloydie into thinking that she’s forgotten him already after he left her in front of the altar on the day of their wedding.

This weekend, I watched another Star Cinema film “I do”, starring Erich Gonzales and Enchong Dee.  The story was about a pregnant Erich wanting for them (Enchong and her) to get married but Enchong cannot marry her because his family is against it.  Enchong did try to fight for her but lost the battle several times, their supposed wedding day was always rescheduled.  Erich and her family get humiliated every time.

Yesterday, I started watching “Sex and the City” in my iTouch.  I’m not done with it yet (because I only watch it while on the shuttle to or from work) but I’m already done with the part where the lead girl (I don’t watch the series so I can’t remember the name, haha) was stood up by her supposed groom on their wedding day.  She had the most beautiful dress pa naman, sayang lang. :(

Three films, same pain. 

Although I must say I was affected the most by “Sex and the City” because the excitement of the bride before the wedding and the hurt she felt after the almost-wedding was really emphasized there.  Plus she’s forty freakin’ years old and the guy she’s (supposed to be) marrying was her boyfriend for a freakin’ decade! But that didn’t push him to get out of the freakin’ car, no it didn’t, something else always rules over the minds of these guys, gosh I don’t know why.

Haha. Affected much?!

Anyhoo…

I just remembered this article I read some weeks ago.  It’s entitled “Why did I marry you anyway?” by Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW.  This article changed my life. (my life talaga?!?! Haha!)  Before, I was really excited to get married, but after having read this (and after watching those movies, haha), I realized, maybe I’m not really excited of the “marriage”, maybe it’s only the “wedding” and the thought of a beautiful me on a white gown that tickles me. Maybe that’s it.  Maybe I’m not ready yet.  Scratch that, maybe we’re not ready yet. Hehe.

Here, let me share with you excerpts of the article, adding my thoughts on each snippet.  (So you’ll know the reason for the sudden change of heart).

• If you are always too busy, too tired, or too stressed to spend time with your spouse, the rewards will be meager.  If the bulk of your interests and passions lie outside the marriage, the relationship simply will not grow.  If work, money, and possessions become your top priorities, your marriage will reflect this.  If, however, you discover shared interests and spend time together, your marriage will be the best part of your life

me: I definitely wouldn’t want money to be an issue for me and my future husband.  Nor will I allow to him to prioritize work over me and our future family.  I am not aiming for an ideal setup of a family, that’s too much to ask, but at the very least I want him to make me and the family we are about to build be his number one priority.  Over money, over work, over anger, over pride, over boy’s night outs, over everything, the wife and the family should be put first.

• Anger scares people, and angry people are scary.  I have seen many relationships absolutely demolished because one or both partners cannot handle anger appropriately.  When anger is expressed inappropriately, it is like walking in a minefield.  You are never sure when a bomb is going off and what part of your heart and soul will be torn apart.  Anger is unpredictable and this makes people nervous and unsure of how to react.

me: Nothing, it’s just true.  True naman diba? Hehe..

• Part of having a successful marriage is letting go of the single lifestyle, and not in a begrudging, sullen manner, or arguing with your spouse like a spoiled child being dragged by exhausted parents out of Chuck E. Cheese’s.  Rather, letting go is best achieved with the positive excitement of embracing something new and realizing that the single life is just one chapter of hopefully a long life – not the end of your journey.

me: Ah… the single lifestyle.  As long as we (my boyfriend and I) cannot give this single kind of life up with the whole of our hearts, then I think we aren’t ready to be a Mr.-and-Mrs. yet.  I admit, like what Maude said here, I still have so many things in mind that I wanted to do or to buy and places to go to that I still haven’t accomplished yet.  So I think I’m still not ready to bid singleness goodbye.  As per V, I’m not sure but if I'm correct I think he still loves DOTA and he still doesn’t want to be prohibited by new responsibilities that married life will bring. Haha.

• The best marriages are the ones in which couples focus on spending time together.  These spouses are like great roommates: pleasant to be around, willing to compromise, and eager for fun.  Always ready to try new activities, they enjoy their lives and their time together.  The energy that surfaces from shared hobbies and activities bring spontaneity and excitement to the marriage, even when the activity itself flops.

me: Aside from the “spending-time-together” part, it’s also important to know that we could keep the enthusiasm up until death because until death will we only part once we said “I do”.  Mahirap na, mamaya sa una lang pala excited and focused, pero after some years, one of us gets bored and gets cold na.

• Couples with strong marriages recognize that activities may change over the years, but commitment to discovering together does not.  They are open to trying new things and having new experiences, and they laugh together even when everything seems to go wrong.  Some couples insist that they do not have the money to spend time together, but many free activities can be fun when done together such as walks in the park or coffee on the patio.

me: Again, the enthusiasm to be with your partner is the key.  You’ll never run out of things to do or things to talk about if you’re always, always excited to be with your partner.

• Couples often complain that they are too busy to invest the time to be together.  Yet in the next breath they will tell me of their dissatisfactions with how the marriage is going.  I talk to them about the principle of input equaling output, suggesting that great results cannot be expected when the effort going in is minimal.  Marriage is hard work and you get out of it what you invest in it.

me: I like the lines “input equaling output”.  It is indeed true that great results cannot be expected when the effort going in is minimal.  The question is, am I ready to exert great effort to keep a marriage working?  Is he? *tulala*

• We all have this need for autonomy, the need to feel in control of our own lives, the freedom to keep some part of who we are just for ourselves.  Autonomy is the reason the business executive plays in a band on the weekends, or the busy homemaker studies stand-up comedy and appears at the local comedy clubs.  Autonomy is the basic need to have something dear to our hearts that expresses who we are and helps us grow.

me: Giving your single life up doesn’t mean giving up your individuality.  In fairness, I still feel my autonomy though I’m in a relationship with V.  I still get to go out with my girls and I still get to do what ever things I want with friends.  Sya rin naman ata, may autonomy pa rin. Hihi.

• Autonomy is an essential human need.  As the counterpart to common interests, it is a critical element for a happy marriage.  Wise couples actively work to find the balance between the two.  While contented partners are devoted to each other, each partner has other interests and his or her own friends.  Even in the best marriages, wise partners do not hitch all their dreams to one person.

me: Uhh… Parang inulit lang yung sa taas? Hehe.

• Perhaps because of this ability to read emotion, wives generally manage family activities, including relations with extended family.  They arrange holiday and birthday celebrations, anniversaries, and family visits.  Wives take on the primary role in managing the social life of the couple and family.  Call it intuition, or simply care-taking, women get so involved in caring for others, they forget to care for themselves.

me: Eto! Eto! Here comes a more serious part.  I don’t want to think about this thoroughly yet, I guess I’ll be crossing the bridge when I get there.  But this is still one issue we or I should get ready for.  Gawd.

• Money means different things to different people.  For some, money represents security.  The more they have in the bank, the more secure they feel.  For others, it is simply a means to an end, and often that end is fun.  Then, for some, money is a means of control that allows one to demand compliance from other people.  Whatever your orientation, you and your partner’s ability to agree about money will greatly reduce the conflict in your marriage.

me: Exactly.  On our case, I am the one who thinks that money is just a means to an end. Haha!  Him? I guess he’s both “money is a means of control” and “money represents security”.  Haha! Compliment!!  Anyhoo… Like I said, although this is another thing to think about, I guess we’ll just cross the bridge when we get there.

Oh diba, oh diba… Andaming iisipin!!!

I don’t want to be like Tony G. on “My Amnesia Girl”, or Erich on “I do” or Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie) on “Sex and the City” (okay, I googled it) – I might die of heartache if that is ever possible.  On the other hand, I also don’t want to be the one having cold feet because I rushed into things not thinking if I am really really ready.  So, the best thing to do is to really wait.  Wait until I’m ready and capable.  Wait until my maturity level is high enough.  Wait until my partner is ready and capable.  Wait until his maturity level is high enough.  Most of all… wait until that freaking engagement ring falls to my left palasingsingan.  Hahahaha! ;p

The 30 day blog challenge - Day 11

a picture of something you dislike

I'm sorry, it took long before I made this entry.  But believe you me; it is in my intentions to get this over with.  No, I did not have a hard time thinking of one thing I hate the most, because I am very certain of this.  I didn't even have to think about it.  I hate this thing so much.

I really couldn't take looking at pictures of real cockroaches, so I picked a cartoon version. Haha!

You see, what stopped me from making this post was when I googled the word "cockroach" and clicked the "Images" link.  Gawd, I couldn't take the sight of so many of those in my monitor! I just can't!  I actually had goosebumps when the search results were displayed, I couldn't take it, I immediately closed the tab.  For you to understand me, why don't you try googling it too, then tell me later how you felt. Hehe.

Anyhoo..  Why do I hate ipis? Let me count the ways:

1. They are so freakin' dirty. 'Nuff said.

2. Their color makes them scarier.  I remember Bob Ong had an ipis character in his book "Alamat ng Gubat".  The cockroach there was in denial of its identity too! Haha! If I remembered it right, it said: "Paruparo ako ... kulay brown lang ang pakpak!" You see! Cockroaches themselves disown their cockroach-ity. (If human is for humanity, cockroach is for cockroach-ity, ok?)

3. They are effin' blind!!! My goodness. It's enough that they're gross like that, but the fact that they wander around not knowing that they are already trespassing the human world adds to the horror.  I wish they knew that when people see them, they're most likely gonna get killed, so they would hide and we can all live peacefully.

4. They're everywhere!!!  It's unfair that they come in different and such small sizes.  They can live anywhere, dammit.

5. They freakin' fly!!!  This is what I hate the most about them.  They're ugly, dirty, stinky, BLIND! and they can fly :(.  What's worse is that they fly so fast and they're so tiny, you'd be surprised that it's already in front of your face; you wouldn't have time to duck no matter how quick your reflexes are.  Oh gosh, I hate them. >.<

The Do Not Blog Rule

kung pipilitin mo at hindi na totoo, 
ang awit na natapos mo ay mawawalan ng tono

translation: If you force it and it's no longer sincere, the song you will have done will have no melody..

One of the subjects I had during my first year in college (English Proficiency Instructions it is, according to Maude) required a Journal.  It was not a diary-type of journal where we’d have to narrate our everyday lives.  It was more of like this, a blog, on a notebook.  We’d just have to write anything we want, any topic, once a week, and submit it to our professor for her to check.

I remember one time, I wasn’t on the mood for writing but I had to compose an entry because it was a freakin’ requirement.  The feeling I felt at the time, it is the same feeling I have now. I am so not in the mood to blog and I’m so sorry. Huhu.

Anyhoo…

Yesterday, I searched for the old notebook that is also the journal I had six years ago.  I wanted to know what I wrote the day when my mood is not for writing.  I knew it is something significant, and voila, I was right! Haha!  The journal entry I had for that day was entitled “To write or not to write?”

I want to share the whole of the entry and I want to make it a rule.  To not force myself into making a blog post if my heart's not in it.  Just please excuse me if it’s so first-year-college, haha! Ignore the wrong grammar, too, okay? Haha! Here it is (I inserted some comments, laughing at yourself is good sometimes you know ;p):

TO WRITE OR NOT TO WRITE? (that is the question, haha, comment lang to, pag kulay blue, comment ha?)

What would you do if you need to write something and yet your brain just couldn’t function well?  What if it’s a project or a school requirement or a journal entry?  Would you still write?  Do you think you could end up with a nice composition if your thinking couldn’t unite with your heart and your hands?  Would you still write? I wouldn’t.

“…kung pipilitin mo, at di na totoo, ang awit na natapos mo ay mawawalan ng tono…” – this line from a Filipino song (of course, it is a Filipino song, it has Filipino words dammit! ;p) explains that you should not force yourself to write if you really don’t want to, or else you might end up with a non-sense composition (or one with poor grammar, haha).  Writing is not just simply writing, (I didn’t know how to use Thesaurus back then, please don’t count the word “writing” or “write”) it should be done with a heart.  Just imagine what songs we’d be singing if the composers didn’t have the heart in composing.  What novels we would be reading if the authors haven’t dedicated their minds in the story they are writing.  What I’m trying to point out here (may point ka te?!?!), is that we must not write for the sake of having a product (a what?!?! Haha!)… instead, we must write to express our thoughts, opinions and feelings.  You might say that it’s too complicated… with the time requirement and everything, you just can’t put your feelings in writing, but in the end, you’ll see how good it feels to know that people understand you just by merely reading your work. (okay, now I’m lost)

The end.

Aside from the poor choice and redundancy of words, you get my point right?  Haha!  I want to post something new, if I could everyday, believe me I want to, but I’m still not having the inspiration to do so.  So again, excuse me while I hibernate. :)

The Follow Through Rule

stop declaring what your new year's resolutions are,
just shut up and  follow through!

Of course, it is the beginning of the year.  We don’t know why but there’s something about this season that makes us want to start anew.  Maybe because it hits us with the thought: “Hey! I was blessed another year, why don’t I make wrong things right this time?”  So we sit down, we reflect, we list the things we wanted to change, we maybe scratch out a few guilty pleasures and we call it our New Year’s Resolutions.

Not only that, we talk about it with friends (who secretly are tired of hearing the same set of resolutions from you every effin' year but are ignorantly making the same list themselves, too), we think of ways on how we could make it happen, we get inspired by it, we believe ourselves that we can do it.   

All those, happen on the first week of January.

The week after that?  Nothing but normal.  Seven days after January 1 is long enough for us to shake off the spirit of the holiday season from our minds.  It’s not that hard because school and work and traffic and the news effortlessly help us forget.  So to cut it short, the New Year we felt one week ago eventually becomes not so new anymore.

And what happens with the New Year’s Resolutions?  FORGOTTEN.  Haha.

Of course, maybe not all of us forget, but I bet MOST of us do.  I don’t need to prove that I’m correct in saying this because I just am. ;p

Imagine a world of fulfilled New Year’s resolutions (if you can):

• We would all be thin!
• Cigarette/Alcoholic drink producing companies will be closed
• Rush hour  will be at 4 or 5 in the morning because everybody will be coming to work/school early
• We would all be rich!
• We would all be healthy!
• We would all be organized!
• No broken families!
• We would all be geniuses.
• We would all be saints.

My point is, we don’t need a new year to wake us up from our wrong doings.  New Years pass; todays don’t (well, except if you’re dying, I hope not, haha).  So whatever it is that you think needs to be uninstalled from your system, do it, don’t wait for a new year, just do it and do it today.

BONUS: Read this, this is cute : Why New Year's Resolutions Are Useless